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problems with depression.

by Lilah Wild @ freestylewitchcraft.com If you're prone to depression, you're going to have a harder time with belief, especially because magick is so intangible. It's something you need to feel in your guts, and depression has a numbing effect that is hell on your self-worth, and destructive to the very emotions you need to be successful in your workings.

There's the problem of "But I don't wanna delude myself into a placebo!" scenarios - starting out unsure of yourself, so you don't believe in yourself, so when you concentrate and try to "create" or "feel" energies, nothing happens, because there's no belief. Then you get even more depressed because nothing works, which decreases your belief even further, resulting in a very nasty catch-22 for anyone coming into witchcraft with a painful past or chemical imbalance.

The most belief should go to yourself, the practitioner - that's where all the magick comes from. You have a pulse, right? That means you have a life-force, you have animation. With belief, and direction, that's really all you need. A good exercise is to sit quietly before your altar, with all your favorite touchstones and tools upon it, and make an "asset management" list of everything positive about yourself: things you're good at, sweet memories, things you really love doing, personas you see yourself as (or wanting to become), dreams you want to come true. Put this all together into the sum total of who you are, and what makes you happy. Let their champagne wash over your flaws, the pieces that hurt. Your strengths and talents are somewhere in those positive things - as the Merry Pranksters of Ken Kesey's world liked to say, "Put your good where it will do the most."

The best way to change yourself is through your habits, so start cultivating ones that bring you pleasure. Magick does no good if you're forcing it - it has to come natural, so you need to make feeling relaxed a standard element of your life.

Depression is a bizarre emotion in that there is a sickening comfort in anguish, because it's familiar. But familiarity is what keeps many, many people from breaking out of their routines and really going after what they want, because it takes effort. And this is where you find out if you really want to change, or just wallow. If something awful has happened to you, it's OK to take the time to process ways in which you were hurt - you need to know it to keep it from happening again, and you need to know where the missing pieces are so you can find them, and build towards strength.

There is no such thing as futility to the chaos magician - things always move, things always change. That's the nature of the universe. Maybe things might not work out the way you wanted them to, but a smart witch leaves her spells open for better possibilities to manifest, instead of fixating on only one answer. In chaos, if one person/scene/direction doesn't work, there is always another that will. You just have to be open enough to let it happen. And remember, in chaos, there is no "final analysis" of you - there's always room to reinvent and redefine.

In magick, and in just getting anywhere in life, you have to believe in yourself. It is not an ego indulgence, it is a necessity. Everything that society tells you, that you're stupid, that you're worthless, that you're ugly, that you're nothing - you give power to these accusations if you give them your belief. Every time you fall into hating yourself, you take one more self-determining, freethinking individual away from a world that sorely needs them. There are plenty of people who would love the chance to beat your head against a wall - don't make their lives easier by doing it for them.

Always remember that you don't really need anyone to "bless" your stuff or make it more powerful or whatever. I used be very against getting a store's "special" brews because I started out very DIY and I didn't like how people often assumed since "real" witches did it, it must be better than anything they could come up with on their own. Not so.

(I'm a lot more into "house blends" now, as it's interesting to see how many different ways practitioners interpret and craft the ancient recipes, like cooking a meal or covering a song. Now when I hit occult shops I can't leave without getting at least one house blend, to see how The Lucky Mojo Curio Co. or the Magickal Childe or whoever does it. Considering how many people believe that dinner tastes better when you don't cook it yourself, maybe it does pack an extra punch to use something that was made by someone else. Just don't lose sight of where that power's really coming from.)

As superficial and overused as Hollywood has made the makeover in too many goofy teen movies, it can help you a lot in magick. Robert F. Williams put it nicely in Rebels and Devils: "It is far easier to act your way into changed thinking, than it is to think your way into changed action." Meaning, if it makes you feel better to comb a lime scent into your hair, or dress yourself completely in swirling silver lace, by all means, do it. You want to do everything within your power to heighten your natural attractions - just lifting your spirits by doing these little things helps your magick immensely. Treat yourself well and set the example for the world to do the same.